The Rainbow Bridge

All things bright and beautiful,

All creatures great and small,

All things wise and wonderful,

The Lord God made them all.

I had to let my sweet Jessi Kitty go today. It was hard but it was the right thing to do. He was so very sick, he had liver failure, kidney failure, heart disease. It came on so sudden, but it was the perfect storm. I could not make the decision on Saturday, but after visiting him Saturday night at the animal hospital, I knew that I could not let him suffer. He gave me 16 years of pure joy and unconditional love. He was there through my first divorce, through all my troubles with my children; beside my bike he was the only other thing I really worried about taking from the house when I left Bill. I could always count on him for a warm, fuzzy nuzzle and a lick (he even learned not to put the rough sandpaper tongue on me).

Now Jessi, was a wild man in his day, never backing down from a fight. But he was also sweet and loving, wanting to sit in your lap and be petted and ears scratched. I will miss him, but I know he is now enjoying tuna, pain free and waiting for the day, when we will be together.

The vet gave me this, I had seen this before:

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Stop Talking to me!

Listening to the message, God sometimes speaks to me...I can look at Joyce Meyer and she'll be talking to me too! The message was concerning evangelism and the Pastor quoted this verse:

I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves. Matthew 10:16

Why is this relevant? In the last 2 years I have had the occasion to meet 2 people who claim to be atheist. One person, I interact with frequently and was somewhat surprised, although it explains a very scary dream I had after a particularly troublesome interaction. That night, I dreamed that evil forces were swarming around me as a lay in bed, I had to confess the authority I had as a believer to rebuke those spirits. I must have been talking in my sleep, because when I woke up, there was my cat, looking at me quizzically. I am scheduled to do battle with this person in the near future.

The other atheist, is a husband of a friend, who of all things, is a doctor. How can you witness miracles, and not believe? I have told them both, I am a Bible believing, hand raising, praising God with song Christian and I would pray for them.

I have been put in their paths and they in mine for a reason. Am I to witness? Should I let it be? How do you fight the devil? How do you get the devil to loose those over which he has a hold?

Lord, help me be shrewd!

Debt Free

The rich rule over the poor, And the borrower becomes a slave to the lender.
-- Proverbs 22:7 (NIV)

There has been one other time in my adult life when I was debt free except for a mortgage. Several years after my first divorce, I managed to pay off my student loan, my car, my ex's car. At the time we divorced we worked for 2 years to pay off all our credit card debt. That was in the early 90s. My goal has always been to be debt free as I head toward retirement. I have been blessed, to pay off my debts, a credit card and the medical loan I took out when my daughter went to rehab. I am always amazed at God's goodness. I attribute this to His mercy and grace and the decision I made last January to tithe, notwithstanding the fact that I was in debt, and bouncing checks every pay period. I decided to trust God, be obedient to His word and tithe. He has been faithful.

I bought a few things for myself, several pair of pants to replace the ones that Mister threw away. I even bought a few pair of new shoes, I am the consummate bargain shopper and found these on amazon.com, I vowed to pay no more than $25 and bought 3 pair and the shipping was free. I bought a Christmas tree. I got an oil change and bought new tires for my car. Having been on a strict budget for the last year, I find that I don't need to shop endlessly and buy things that I really don't need. When I think back on it, the mindless shopping was an attempt to fill a void in my life; I had a life lacking in love and caring and I thought things would comfort me and make me feel good and even feel good about myself. Minimalism and simplify is my theme and to my delight, God has shown me what's really important, to find joy in the simplest things. And I have found joy, watching the sun rise as I walk or run or ride, watching the stars in the night sky.

I will take the money that I would have been using to pay debt and fund a Roth IRA. My new mantra is if I can't pay for it, save for it and pay cash. I'm going to start saving for my next car.

I also have enough money for a down payment on a small house or condo. Now is the time to buy. I've been looking, but I'm in no hurry.

Trust

Trusting God sometimes is hard. I always think I can fix something....anything. But life's circumstances forced me to trust Him. I tried so hard to fix things for my son and daughter, but nothing was working. It was all falling down around me. And I was afraid, afraid that I would lose them both. Both the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said "Let go and trust Me". I won't say that it was easy, it was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do. But I see that God had to do a work in them and a work in me and I was only getting in His way.

Lord, help me to trust you more.

But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. Jeremiah 17:7

Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. John 14:1

We are God's Workmanship

I have become addicted to HGTV. I have remodeled my entire house (in my mind of course) after watching hours of of Design on a Dime, Hidden Potential, Design to Sell. I think its my right brain asserting itself after being suppressed after all these years. Being in a stifling, unfullfilling non supportive relationship, I had forgotten parts of myself. I buried my true self to be someone's version of me. I used to be creative, I have finished dining room sets, desks, bedroom furniture. I had forgotten my roots, but God has a way of bringing our talents and desires back to the forefront. We may forget, but He doesn't. We each have a divine purpose, but first and foremost, our purpose is to glorify God

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10

The Prodigal Son...and Daughter

“So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. Luke 15:20


The message this morning was concerning evangelism; the pastor spoke of the story of the prodigal son. I had to shed some tears and praise God for His goodness and His grace and mercy, because my prodigal children have come home. I think back to last year and both were dining with the pigs! But they each, in their own way, started to return home, and I embraced them.

My son, is working full time and has been declared a senior. He has above a 3.0 average. My daughter decided to go back to school, picked a school in Oregon, drove herself there, met with the advisor, arranged for financial aid. She'll be moving in January. She told me she got tired of the lies, tired of working and needed to get her act together, mend her fences with me and her family. She sounds happier and more like the loving little girl she used to be.


I remember what my daughter said to me on Mother's Day; she thanked me for believing in her. I told her, it wasn't just that I believed in her; I believed God.

But now this is what the Lord says:
“Do not weep any longer,
for I will reward you,” says the Lord.
“Your children will come back to you
from the distant land of the enemy.
There is hope for your future,” says the Lord.
“Your children will come again to their own land. Jerimiah 31:16-17

But my work seems so useless!

I replied, “But my work seems so useless!
I have spent my strength for nothing and to no purpose.
Yet I leave it all in the LORD’s hand;
I will trust God for my reward.” [Isaiah 49:4]

I came across this word today. It's amazing how the Holy Spirit reaches out and touches us when we need it the most. As I was reflecting on the troubling events of last Thursday, I thought how hard we worked on this case and how poorly the ultimate end result was. But as the servant said in Isaiah, "I will trust God for my reward". Because isn't that really what its all about? It's really not about me. My role was to do the best job I could do. The rest is up to God.

I am thankful that I found public interest law. For the vast majority of my career, I practiced in an area of the law that I didn't really like, that I felt served no true purpose. Since finding this job, I regret that I didn't find it sooner. I think it was because I had the wrong idea about success. In my mind success was all about money and prestige. But I found that to be so lacking and so hollow. I feel so much more fulfilled. I'm so thankful that God sent me to the state. He answered my prayers.

Just get over it

I had the worst day at my job. Sometimes you can't save your clients from themselves. So I need to learn to let it go. I did the best job I could as a lawyer. And at the end of the day, my family and my health are the most important thing in the world. And it dawned on me that God's grace and mercy are available to me. How awesome is that??!!?? That God would use me, even though the outcome was not what I had hoped it would be nor was it in line with the law. But God in His infinite wisdom is in control. And I rest on that promise.

Can't we just all get along.....

I wish some folks would get over it....Obama is not going to run this country into the ground. In case folks haven't noticed, we are already in the ground. We need to get over this partisanship and the hatred. We can respectfully disagree, but let's try to work together to return this nation to its greatness.

The Battle is the Lord's

I reread the story of David and Goliath. I am an attorney for a state agency. We have limited resources. We frequently face the biggest law firms in the state. I have been in contentious negotiations and I thought about David and Goliath.

David was discounted because he was young, he was a sheep herder. When he asked questions about Goliath, he was shushed by his brother and he responded, "can't I even speak"? I wonder if we are discounted because we are government employees? In my entire legal career, I have never worked with such dedicated attorneys.

When David offered to fight Goliath, Saul scoffed. But David was steadfast in his faith.

David was a man of faith. He believed in God; he watched as God was being defiled by Goliath. He wanted to be God's instrument; he wanted to stand up for God. When David faced Goliath he said: "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied...All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD's..."

Not that we are the instrument of the Lord in a battle for just and reasonable rates, but there are so many lessons to be learned from the story of David and Goliath. First, never underestimate the little guy. Sometimes less is more...David had 5 stones and a sling shot!

Next, stand up for your beliefs.

If God be for you, who can be against you. Trust Him, He can use any method, even the small and meek to accomplish His purposes.

Finally in the end, it is God who saves, it is His battle not ours. He sent an ordinary man to redeem us. God defeats the enemy without the sword or the spear. He uses, of all things, a cross and a grave, a crucifixion and resurrection. He again uses what is weak to put the strong to shame and what is foolish to shame the wisdom of the wise. He uses His Son, dying on the cross and arising from the grave, to defeat the powers of darkness.

The battle is the Lord's. And, so is the victory.

People get ready, there's a change a 'coming....

As I walked into the polls at 7:45 a.m., the tears started. What a momentous occasion, what a historic day. I wish my mother had lived to see it. I thought about growing up in the deep, segregate south. This isn't just an historic day for African Americans, but for all Americans.

Now the McCain supporters need to show the grace and class that he has shown. I have admired McCain, he is a man of conviction. I believe he was sincere when he said that we must find a way to bridge the divide, that despite all the differences, we are all Americans.

People get ready, there's a train comin'
You don't need no baggage, you just get on board
All you need is faith to hear the diesels hummin'
You don't need no ticket you just thank the lord
--Curtis Mayfield, People get ready

On the eve of history

I did not think I would live to see in my lifetime, the prospect of a Black president. Whether Obama wins or loses, it is an historic event. My parents marched with Dr. King, I remember where I was and exactly what I was doing when Dr. King was assassinated. And now we are on the eve of history. And to think, I would have voted for McCain had this been 2004 and had he faced Gore!

The continuing divorce saga...I may have to take Mister back to court to get my money. I agreed to the money so we didn't have to sale the house, but if that's how he wants it, then ok.

“When you go through deep waters,
I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.” Isaiah 43:2

Finally!

Deuteronomy 31:8

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

I don't know what happened and why I stopped posting, but I've decided to start up again. My divorce was finally final on October 14. I have yet to receive my payment. Just another ploy, just another trick of the enemy.

I had shoulder surgery on September 25. This time on my left shoulder. I decided not to wait, once it started hurting. So now I have matching shoulders. I actually had a tear in the exact same place on the left subscapula, as the one I had on the right.

I need to slow down, I have been working like a field hand, like the Hebrew children, to the detriment of my recovery. So this weekend, I did nothing major. Friday was Halloween, I carved pumpkins and passed out candy with my neighbor Denise , drinking margaritas and eating pizza. Saturday, I spent the day watching movies and reading. Ditto for Sunday. So I'm hoping to be rested for the upcoming week.

This is new beginning for me and I'm actually excited for the future.