No Weapon....

This is it! My fast is over. For 21 days I have eaten no meat, dairy, eggs, processed foods, sugar, coffee. I have learned to love all over again different fruits and veggies and all sorts of beans. I feel so much better. I have sought the Lord, and He has has answered me, He has given me a new direction. He has increased my faith ten-fold. I know that although circumstances may not change, I have changed. And by me changing, my circumstances change. No matter what the problem is, no matter how impossible things or situations seem in the natural, I know that supernaturally, God is in control. He is still on the throne. How Great is our God!

What began as a prayer for our children, became a time of introspection for me. It became a time for healing some hurts that I had shoved deep inside. During this time, I came to realize that God's blessings, the blood of Jesus, was meant for me too, in spite of my sins. I started to understand what a great gift we have been given, how much God loves us and wants what's best for us, if we stay obedient to His Word.

Training during this time was somewhat difficult, I was a little behind in my calories on some days, probably didn't get enough protein the other days. But I have started to cleanse my diet of unhealthy foods, and try new things. I joined a farm co-op which will bring me fresh vegetables that are in season.

I also have gotten the clarity I need on some issues...No weapon formed against me, shall prosper. Isaiah 54:18

For I know the plans that I have for you.....

The jail you plan for me is the jail you gonna rot in. Ms Celie, The Color Purple

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. Psalm 23:6

I had to go to court today for a procedural conference to set a trial date for my divorce. The only thing I’m requests is a division of equity. He brought out an “addendum” from his first divorce, which states that if the house is sold, the first wife gets a share. This addendum wasn’t filed with his first divorce decree. But the judge says that it’s confusing, so the ex-wife needs to be brought in to the case. I’m sure he was not expecting that. Or maybe he was. Not my issue. But when you plan to do harm to someone, you never know how it’s gonna turn out. Besides, she deserves some of that money anyway, and now she is gonna get it.

My trial date is April 11. My countdown to freedom! I am going to plan a celebration.

My fast is coming to an end. So much has been revealed to me. I have so much peace. God has said, “this battle is not yours, it’s mine” (2 Chronicles 20:15). I am learning to embrace the cross and am coming to the acceptance that there is nothing that I have done that hasn’t been washed clean by the blood of Jesus. I still have lots of issues to work on, and I now have the confidence to work them out. I no longer have fear of them and I no longer want these issues to keep me in bondage. I long for peace and for freedom.

Alienation and Reconcilation

Once you were alienated from God ... but now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation.-- Colossians 1:22

I think I said fasting shows you where things in your life are out of whack. I had started this fast to pray for our children. My daughter reminded me that "we don't need prayer, we're doing fine"...I had to laugh and remind her that maybe the reason they are doing fine, is that someone has been praying for them all along. I could see the light bulb go off in her head...oh yeah, that makes sense.

God has revealed to me so much that is broken in my spirit, I have so much guilt and shame over my past behavior. He is showing me what it truly means to be "bought with a price" and how to be covered in the blood.

I don't want to be like the Israelites, taking 40 years for an 11 day journey. The fast has shown me, that I too, need God's healing grace.

There must be some kind of way out of here

There must be some kind of way out of here. All Along the Watchtower, Jimi Hendrix

O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. Psalms 63:1


During this fast, God has sent some folks in my path that have spoken words of truth into my spirit.

I was thinking about looking for another job. One of the lawyers in the office left. But a person whom I respect very much and is a man who truly seeks after God, said, sometime when there is peace and no strife, then just perhaps, that is where the Lord wants us to be.

At my last job, I felt unappreciated; like a voice crying in the wilderness; trying to do the right thing, when not too many others cared. They only cared about increasing the stock price. I remember thinking, I have never worked with such ungodly people.

Then I found my current position and I have never been happier. There are lots of Christians who are unashamed to profess God in every situation. There are opportunities to witness and to be the light that God has called us to be. It is not a perfect place, but it is one where I feel at home. I put in long hours and don't mind. I am learning new things and constantly challenged.

I think I had fallen into the trap of "if there is no drama" something must be wrong. I prayed for peace, not for things to never go wrong, but for peace. And God has heard my cry.

Yesterday, I ran further and longer than I have ever run in my life, 6.58 miles, 1:20. It was a struggle, because where I live you cannot avoid hills and being on the fast, my diet isn't exactly what I would normally eat during training. I had a some gastric-intestinal distress, but I did it! All in all training is going well.

We are trying to form a relay team for the Valley of the Sun Half Marathon, March 9.

Another Saturday Night....

Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody
I got some money 'cause I just got paid.
How I wish I had someone to talk to;
I'm in an awful mess.
Another Saturday Night, Sam Cooke

I don't know that I'm in an awful mess...It's very peaceful (Romans 5:1); the cats are sleeping and I'm listening to an old Billy Graham Crusade. This is day 12 of the fast, and I find myself incredibly hungry and longing for coffee. I was tired today and actually took a nap, something I rarely do. I know that my body is under stress, I did not do my long run today. But since this a long weekend for me (Thank you Martin, even though this is pretty late to be celebrating your birthday), I can run tomorrow.

Fasting does have a way to letting you know what areas of your life are out of whack. I have had some time to do a lot of soul searching and praying. I am seeing some breakthroughs. I feel that this time of fasting and praying and reading God's word is equipping me for the battle yet to come. I feel something in my spirit telling me that I need to be prayed up. Or maybe it's because my life has been in such turmoil, I'm always looking for the bad to happen, instead of expecting the good. My attitudes are slowly changing, God can do that...and 2 weeks without meat or coffee or sugar can do that for you.

I took a Spiritual Gifts Assessment test at church, it's like Myers Briggs, but only it uncovers your spiritual gifts and your personality types. From the assessment you discover where your involvement in the church should be. I have the gift of encouragement and the gift of faith.

It's interesting because a close friend told me that he thought that was my gift, to encourage others. I have always said of my athletic endeavors that I do it to show others that you can start late in life and still be an athlete.

And faith, well I have had a true encounter with an angel, who saved me from making what would have been the worse mistake of my life. From that day forward, "I knowed there is a God"

Twinkle, Twinkle, little star.....

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalms 30:5

Morning has broken, like the first morning
Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird
Praise for the singing, praise for the morning
Praise for the springing fresh from the world
Morning has Broken, Cat Stevens

I was out running this morning before dawn. There are a lot of mornings when I run, it is right at dawn and I watch the morning awake from its slumber. I live close to the mountains and never tire of their beauty. It is the highlight of my run to watch the sun peak over the mountains. I am constantly reminded of God’s splendor, even amid the multitude of houses (and believe me in Phoenix, they use every square inch of land, like they think it’s gonna run out) and concrete and asphalt.

So this morning I spoke to the stars and I thought, the world is so majestic, from the stars in the heavens that twinkle down upon us and give us light to the mountains that arch up from the earth to the heavens And I as I think "how amazing I wonder: who are we that God thinks about us and cares for us. Psalms 8:3-4.

I have this ritual that I perform whenever I ride; I speak to everyone and everything. I speak to people, even though this morning, I said “Good Morning” to a roadie and he shouted “DON’T DO THAT!” I didn't know if he was talking to me or trying to talk himself up the hill. I have dogs with their masters who bark at me and I greet them courteously, glad that they are on a leash, although it’s the smallest dogs who bark the most. I speak to other runners and walkers. God gave me the physical ability to be able to run, to get up at dark thirty and in the cold, the least I could do is try to act happy about it; so I greet everyone I meet.

I spoke once to a calf. I was riding my bike through an Indian reservation and rode up on a small herd, well, more like a group, of cows. The calf was moseying along, and I called out (not very loud), “Hey Cow!” He took one look at me, and broke and ran, LOL. I don’t think I look that menacing on a bike and I wasn't even going very fast.

Paul greeted everyone. Romans 16. I think if everyone took the time to be courteous, the world would be a little better for it.

There's still time to change the road you're on

If there’s a bustle in your hedgerow don’t be alarmed, now, that’s just a spring clean for the May Queen. Yes there are two paths you can go on and in the long run, there’s still time to change the road you’re on. Stairway to Heaven, Led Zeppelin

I credit integration for giving me a love for rock music. I love the Who, Jefferson Airplane, and who does not love the Eagles?

While I was out riding my bike into a headwind, this song came to my mind. I was thinking about my children and the paths they are taking into young adulthood. They have both been on the wrong path, a result of some childhood trauma inflicted upon them by their father. My children were thrown into a pit by the actions of their violent father, who did not heap physical abuse on them, but verbal and emotional abuse. His actions culminated in him raping a woman and receiving a 20 year jail sentence. He was physically abusive to me; after he put a gun to my head, I prayed right there, "Lord if you get me out time (he had gotten me out numerous times before) I will never be back". This was a pit I jumped into and stayed there for over 10 years.

But God is a God of second chances, God is a God of restoration and as I pray for them and all the young people who are struggling into adult hood, I pray that they pick the right path for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction. (Matthew 7:13). I also God for healing and recovery for the childhood trauma my children suffered.

Running away...we need some rejuvenation

Thank you Frankie Beverly and Maze for today's title.

…let us run with patience the race that is set before us. Hebrews 12:1

I went down to watch the Rock and Roll Half Marathon. I have 2 friends racing, for each of them it was their first time. One was running; one was walking; both finished with big smiles. 13.1 miles is a long way and it was an encouragement to me to watch all of the runners of all shapes, sizes colors, push themselves to run 13.1 miles. From the fast to the slow, they are all to be commended.

Training and preparing mentally for a race translates into what we must do to grow closer to God. You can’t ramp up too fast or you get injured; if you have no discipline, no base by training, the race will be hard, a suffer fest. Perhaps this is why Paul chose this analogy.

This is day 6 of my Daniel Fast. I don’t miss meat as much as I thought I would. I do really miss coffee. I thank God that I was in trial all week; it distracted me. I must say, that I am actually eating better than I normally eat. I have to plan and cook in order to make this work. I have opened my mind to new recipes and new ways of thinking about food. I thought I would never, ever, live without meat. But now I think I could go meatless 5 days out of 7. Eating all these vegetables, fruits and nuts also has a cleansing affect, on Wednesday I had some gastro distress. I didn’t even want to be in the room with me. But, there was a situation every single day that made me want to slap the taste out of someone's mouth...I had to pray for God to take my hand, still my tongue. But I lost it a couple times on cross examination of 2 separate witnesses...Do you understand the words that are coming from my mouth??? For the love of God and of time, please just answer the questions!

I have dedicated this fast to the praying for our young people. But as I was planning out my year, God spoke to me about my finances and about discipline. The same discipline that I use to train and to fast, I need it in my finances. The borrower is a slave to the lender. (Proverbs 22:7 )It was one of my goals to become debt free, but it is becoming increasing clear that the country is in a recession, prices are going through the rough, and a little discipline in the money area is not a bad thing. Saving money and living simply, is a reachable goal. So I cut out all but basic cable. The shows are in reruns because of the strike, most of the shows I like are available on line. I discontinued my subscriptions to Blockbuster and Net Flix. The library has a decent collection of DVDs to rent for free. I am committed to taking the bus 3 days a week. I already take my lunch and now make my dinners. Instead of endless shopping, I take a walk. I feel with these measures I'm making progress toward my goal.

Part of the fast is refraining from secular T.V. So I got a couple of DVDs from the library on the history of Christianity and on Jesus. I have always wanted to study religion, and this is the lazy person's way, watching a DVD, Christianity, the First 1000 Years and I check out the Second 1000 Years today.

Watch Fast and Pray

"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash" Matthew 7:24-27

My church has asked the congregation to fast for 21 days. We are doing a modified fast, the Daniel Fast. Why fast? I have always fasted in times of deep spiritual need. When I feel the need to strengthen my foundation, because if the foundation is strong, I know I will be able to withstand anything that comes against me.I know that God is always with me, but sometimes I need to really feel his presence in my life.

We are asked to contemplate on this: "What am I asking God to do in the next 21 days?" There's not much I'm seeking for myself. I want to strengthen my knowledge of God. I have always been interested in theology and I plan to spend the next 21 days educating myself on the history of the church.

I am asking God to protect and save our children. Our young adults seem to be aimless, seeking instant gratification, they seem to be searching...for,I guess, peace. Because our society has abandoned the values like hard work, thrift, charity to be replaced by greed, idleness, selfishness, we are seeing this manifested in our children.

And so I pray, and long for coffee!

But you gotta have friends...

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Ecclesiastes 4:9-10


"Wasting away again in Margaritaville, looking for my lost shaker of salt. Some people say that there's a {wo}man to blame, but I guess it's my own damn fault." Magaritaville

With thanks to Jimmy Buffet!

Good friends, good libations, good food...what more could you ask for to celebrate hitting the half century mark. Margaritas in a bucket...what a novel idea. I had 5 or maybe 6, but who's counting? I didn't have to drive, just had to drive myself upstairs.

We are all fabulous women, sharing joys, heartaches and triumphs. Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." C.S. Lewis

Before I decided to invite a few people over, I hesitated..thinking I don't have enough furniture, my place isn't decorated like I wanted. But true friends don't care what you have; they care about YOU. So a few of my friends showed up to help me celebrate. We decided next time, we would have a slumber party!!

God did not mean for us to be alone. He even said so in Genesis. As a believer you need fellowship with other believers. Someone to lift you up when you fall. And it is just plain fun to have friends.

Happy 50th Birthday to me!!

"Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. Psalm 39:4

50 is the new 30!

50 is the new 30!

I am in awe that I have arrived at this milestone, somewhat sane and alive. When I think back over the previous 50 years, I can see God’s hand of protection over me.

Some people are stunned that first, I tell my age and second that I am not terrified of being 50. I am healthy and for the first time in 30 years, free from abusive, stifling relationships. I remember thinking this time last year, “I don’t want to go into my 50s with a man hitting me and cussing me. My life has got to be different.” I resolved that the next time he hit me, that was it. That was February 4, 2007 and I made my plans to get out of that living hell.

This is a new beginning, a fresh start, a chance to do it different. I feel as if God gave me a “do-over” and I am so grateful. My goal is to live up to the gift that God has given me. I am reminded of the life of King Hezekiah. He prayed to the Lord to heal him and the Lord gave him 15 years . I hope to receive that and many more from God and make good use of the time I have left. To praise God, to use the abilities He has given me, to make someone’s life a little easier, to pray for my friends and enemies alike.

So my plans for this year: Run my first half marathon. I have always wanted to do an Ironman, but after my first century, I said, there is no way I’m running 26 miles after being on the bike this long. So I kept training, kept hoping and became more realistic and accepting of my abilities. So I thought, a half Ironman can be within my reach. But I could not mentally conceive of running 13 miles. I could see the 1.2 mile swim, I’d be last out of the water, but I know it would be doable. I could see the 56 miles on the bike; I’d be fresh enough off the bike to run. But 13 miles…my cycling coach said if I would run a stand alone half marathon, he would train me for a half ironman. So I signed up for Lost Dutchman Half Marathon, February 17. It has also been designated as a marathon by National Black Marathoners Association, so it will be nice to run with people of color.

So as I start my life anew, I am happy, healthy and somewhat of a sane mind. Now if God could just do something about those hot flashes!

Envy

A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

As I was flying back to my hometown for Christmas, I started to take stock of my life. But I found myself thinking of a friend, to whom blessing after blessing has been bestowed, while my life seems blessing-less. I wonder what made her so worthy of having a successful business, children who were succeeding, a home, money, clothes, and more attention from men that she could give each of her friends a man and have men left over! I became more and more agitated until I convinced myself that maybe I need to distance myself from her. I began to feel as if I were nothing.

But wait, wasn't this the friend who stood with me when I married, stood by me when my first husband was on the run from the police, called me every single day my daughter was in drug rehab? Wasn't this the friend "who stuck closer than a brother?" It was the enemy, trying to distract me, distance me from a woman is who so dear to me and such a good friend. I thought, I need to rejoice that the Lord has been so good to one of my best friends. Take that, (a slap) devil.

I had another conversation with one of my closest childhood friends, who said, in a discussion about weight, "when we were younger, I always used to compare myself to you." I was stunned, because she had beautiful clothes, a boyfriend, a car, all the things I never had in high school. And here she was, envious of me, because I was thin. But I was also short and she was 5'5". She has endured many health trials and has never failed to be upbeat and positive; she has such a loving spirit. She has such a faith-filled walk that I admire, I strive to be more like her, more joyful in the midst of trials, more trusting in God and more holding onto the Father's hand.

The enemy uses stealth, whisperings and murmerings, deception and doubt to steal a believer's joy. He seeks to separate us from other believers with thoughts of the things of this world. He whispers in my ear, "Look at what she's got, why doesn't God give that to you?" All the time I know the devil is a liar. I had to remember, that I am God's creation and that makes me good enough. I have all that I need, does not our Father promise this?

Verse for the Day

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”- 2 Corinthians 5:17

How appropriate for the start of the New Year!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! And a new year for me it will be. This time last year, I was recovering from rotator cuff surgery, in a joyless, abusive marriage, and worried about the direction my life was going and the lives of my two young adult children. I was worn out, tired of the abuse that was not only physical, but mental and verbal. I knew in my heart, that this was not the life that God intended me to have, some of it the consequences of my own sin. Don't get me wrong, men who abuse do so because they want to, not because anyone "made" them do it. But if I had not had so much pride and so much need, I wouldn't have overlooked all the red flags that were there and believe me they were there.

So I took a deep breath, stepped out on faith. I left my husband April 16 and really haven't looked back. There have been trials, but there has also been joy unspeakable and the peace that passes understanding.

I am working toward happiness. And now that I am free from that stifling, confining, nonsupporting relationship, I find that so many things are falling into place. My walk with God has been strengthened, my work has improved, I am running and accomplishing things in my cycling that I never dreamed was possible. I am losing so much self-doubt. I am starting to understand that life is short, that I must shake off fear (after all God did not give us the spirit of fear) and step out into the unknown.

I have released my children to God. The paths that they have chosen thus far are not the ones that I would have chosen for them, but they are healthy and self supporting. One of these days they will get tired of the $10/hour jobs and living with 50 zillion people, but they are happy, not on drugs, son in school, daughter thinking about going back, both are well liked at their jobs, well hey what more can I ask for at the moment.

God has opened up new doors for me, I've made wonderful friends, I have found a wonderful church home and I can finally say after 25 years of practicing law, I finally found my niche.

So as 2008 begins, I have hope, more hope than I have had in a long time. And that is a good thing!